This is what my brain looks like
Hi, I'm Cris, and being lazy is my talent.

tom-sits-like-a-whore:

reasons to date me

  • no pressure to wear pants in my presence
  • or any clothes at all really
  • but it’s up to you
  • u can be big spoon or little spoon
  • totally your choice
  • i’m always ready to make out
  • aLwaYs
  • also u don’t even have to buy me things just maybe an ice cream cone every once in a while that’s it 
  • i’ll let you lick it though
  • i mean the ice cream cone
  • well not just the ice cream cone

petit-ouji:

[AGGRESSIVELY PROCRASTINATES FOR THREE HOURS ON SOMETHING THAT COULD HAVE BEEN FINISHED IN 30 MINUTES]

(Source: bouderai)

daily-denial:

heartthrobbstark:

OMG MY COUSIN WAS FLIRTING WITH A GUY IN A BAR THEN DIDN’T GO HOME WITH HIM AND HE SENT HER THIS THE NEXT MORNING I’M FUCKING CRYING BOYS’ EGOS ARE SO FRAGILE

men feel literally this entitled to sex with the random girls they meet at bars

daily-denial:

heartthrobbstark:

OMG MY COUSIN WAS FLIRTING WITH A GUY IN A BAR THEN DIDN’T GO HOME WITH HIM AND HE SENT HER THIS THE NEXT MORNING I’M FUCKING CRYING BOYS’ EGOS ARE SO FRAGILE

men feel literally this entitled to sex with the random girls they meet at bars

thex-kid:

unicow-nak-nak:

hallowedhorrors:

skindeap:

8-inch chocolate penis that oozes fondant cream… Fresh mint fondant, Valencia orange fondant, Williams Pear liqueur fondant, Mozart chocolate liqueur fondant, Cointreau liqueur fondant and Irish coffee liqueur fondant.

United Indecent Pleasures

image

Okay but is it possible to get the filling colored red? Because obviously the best use for these is to make a gif or video where you’re licking and sucking at one seductively, making bedroom eyes at the camera, and then you BITE THAT MOTHERFUCKER IN HALF AND SHRIEK YOUR VICTORY AS THE DELICIOUS BLOOD-FILLING DRIPS FROM YOUR VICIOUS MAW.

This site scares me so much.

Reblogging because that damn comment

(Source: moshita)

follovved:

i hate seeing people my age in public bc its always like a competition of whose more attractive and im always losing

(Source: straighthater)

polyandthenomials:

Your room suddenly gets dark.

The closet opens.

A low voice starts to speak.

"Buy Applause on itunes."

  • me: this book destroyed my life
  • me: *add to the favorite books list*

suzuharatoji:

WHEN SOMEBODY TELLS YOU THAT YOU AND THE PERSON YOU LIKE WOULD BE CUTE TOGETHER

image

annmariexrose:

Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.

neurocyte:

i cant even go outside because everyone wants to fuck me

(Source: gayindustrialcomplex)

imaginethebutts:

when someone does something bad and you’re the only one who sees

image

(Source: earthdad)

Reblogged from pohtato, Posted by callyourcongressman.
the-absolute-best-posts:

daniellemertina:
this is how you turn a bad situation around
this is a representation of how we should live our lives

the-absolute-best-posts:

daniellemertina:

this is how you turn a bad situation around

this is a representation of how we should live our lives

(Source: callyourcongressman)

10knotes:

all-right-blondie:

That time when Raven actually said what most of us want to say to a teacher who picks you for the answer when you clearly don’t know it, for usually no other reason than to embarrass you and make you look stupid. One of the main things I hate and always will hate about school. 

unclefather:

codeinee:

unclefather:

how to kiss a boy

  1. grab his waist
  2. slip your hand in his pocket
  3. steal his wallet
  4. dont even kiss him
  5. just run

jokes on you sierra I don’t carry a wallet 

nah jokes on you i don’t talk to broke ass children who dont own a wallet